Cal football coach Jeff Tedford has come to Las Vegas with several dozen healthy young men in tow. As you might expect, he had a plan in place almost before the Las Vegas Bowl matchup with BYU was announced. "We will definitely talk about it before we go down," he said, soberly, last week. "We'll have a talk about the do's and don't's. We'll have a meeting when we get there. We'll have someone come in and talk to us about the challenges and temptations. "We're not just going to cut it loose. We're going to be mindful of who we are and who we represent." And now, with a divergent viewpoint, senior offensive tackle Ryan O'Callaghan. "Everyone who's 21 is planning on having a good time," O'Callaghan said. "And everyone who isn't 21 is trying to figure out how to have a good time." They say bowl games are a reward, but few come with this kind of risk. Really now -- college-aged males in Las Vegas? Let's face it, you can only have so many meetings before you have to, you know, let the players go pretend like they're getting a good night's sleep. "Looking at the schedule," Tedford said, "there's going to be very little down time. There may be three hours here or there for leisure time. But it's got to be a fun experience. You don't want to take them to a bowl game and handcuff them to their room." You say that now.
Just a hunch here, but you want to be wary of a place known as Sin City, where the chamber of commerce come-on is, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." Typically, your money is what stays in Vegas. And contrary to the come-on, some things can follow you home; usually these can be taken care of by a competent physician and/or a good attorney. Tedford can encourage his players to visit some of the lesser-known attractions in town. Las Vegas has museums -- the Elvis-A-Rama Museum (music, acrobatics and dance on display six times a day), the Liberace Museum (with impersonator and tribute acts), the Atomic Testing Museum (where the Rat Pack used to get bombed, presumably), and the Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art (your source for table lamps shaped like a woman's leg). Las Vegas has libraries -- for example, the Sports Handicappers Library at the Stardust Resort and Casino. Las Vegas has parks, neighborhoods, schools and non-profit charitable organizations. Tedford can encourage his players to visit these places. He can also encourage them to dress for Thursday's game in clown shoes and bustiers. You can't like his chances either way. That's because Las Vegas has a street -- called the strip, if you catch our drift and we think you do -- that on a clear night can be seen from Alpha Centauri. On the strip -- which is believed to account for 73 percent of our nation's electrical consumption -- there is a miniaturized (but not by much) Eiffel Tower, a mock-up of New York City, a hotel shaped like a pyramid (complete with faux sphinx), pirate ship fights on a man-made lake, crab legs the size of walking sticks, and friendly young casino employees in push-up bras who will bring you free alcohol until your wallet is as bare as your soul.
Speaking of all things bare, Las Vegas is known for its strip clubs -- 25 are listed on vegas.com ("We have all you need to know from etiquette to the price of a lap dance"), including Spearmint Rhino, The Library (hey, another library!), and Palomino Club (any palomino is a pal o' mine-o). Las Vegas has casinos, bars, brothels and wedding chapels. It has showgirls, lounge acts, all-you-can-eat buffets, sports books and acres of chiming, clanging slot machines. What you need in Las Vegas is something young men typically possess in trace quantities -- patience and perspective. "I play blackjack, but I lose all the time," Tedford said. "So I'm staying away from that. I'm not patient at all. I'm greedy. I'll play at a $2 table, and I win a couple hands, then I'll bet $10 and lose it all at once. I'm a bad gambler." So says the man whose first offensive play at Cal was a lateral-pass that went for a 71-yard touchdown against Baylor. O'Callaghan is a sage senior, one of the team's old heads. But his eyes twinkle like the Mirage at midnight at the prospect of seeing the town that made debauchery famous. "I've been through there, but I haven't experienced it," he said. "We only have two nights when we can go out and have a good time." How good a time would he like to have? "I don't know," he said. "About $400?" No wonder Tedford was hoping for the Sun Bowl in the west Texas town of El Paso, where a high time at Rosa's Cantina costs significantly less than four Benjamins. "I think he understands," O'Callaghan said of his coach. "He's been in our position. He remembers what it's like." Precisely. And he has just called another meeting to tell you all about it.
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