Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Tacoma News Tribune: The humor in Carroll's sick prank eludes me

 

JOHN MCGRATH; THE NEWS TRIBUNE

It was Halloween, last Monday, and a genius football coach was bored.  Pete Carroll determined his University of Southern California team, winners of 30 straight games, needed a laugh to stave off the doldrums of preparing to make Stanford Consecutive Victim No. 31. Hmmn, what could a genius coach do? A shaving-cream pie incident? (Too trite.) A phony telegram? (Too archaic.) Screaming “fire!” during a team meeting? (Too risky, but maybe he was getting warm.)  A bold innovator who long has been a step ahead of his stodgy sideline peers, Carroll devised an elaborate scheme built upon the notion there are only so many chances running back LenDale White can touch the ball in an explosive offense that includes the defending Heisman Trophy winner (quarterback Matt Leinart) as well as another top Heisman candidate (electro-back Reggie Bush).

Carroll coaxed White into throwing a hissy fit certain to anger the assistant coaches, who weren’t in on the joke. White was kicked out of practice, telling reporters he was quitting.  As Carroll lectured the Trojans about how no individual is more important than the team, White continued his profane tirade on the roof of a four-story science building adjacent to the practice field. Having apparently burned his bridges, seemingly resigned to the reality he had created a crisis without a logical solution, White appeared to throw himself off the rooftop. The “body” wearing jersey No. 21 was, of course, a dummy. By the time it hit the ground, many of White’s teammates knew they’d been duped by a prank. But there were some who watched the surreal scene in horror. “That was horrible,” one player said. “What was that about? I think Rey is still on the field dead.” Rey would be freshman linebacker Rey Maualuga. Silly kid. He thought he saw LenDale White leap from a ledge, and it scared the hell out of him. Carroll nevertheless pronounced the lighten-the-mood mission a rousing success. He got unanticipated yucks by the reaction of assistant coaches such as Jethro Franklin, who followed White to the rooftop and, according to Carroll, “was so sucked in, he put his arm around him and was talking to him, trying to get him back in.” Carroll: “The coaches were the funniest because they didn’t believe stuff could go like that.”

Hee-hee. Ho-ho. The joke’s on Jethro, whose courageous response to what he presumed to be a life-or-death incident became the source of giggles and guffaws.  As troubling as the stunt was, the reaction to it was even more chilling. Nobody had a problem with it.  A few weeks ago, Air Force coach Fisher DeBerry offered some remarks about the genetics of black athletes – careless generalizations made while lamenting his mostly white team’s inability to run as fast as the competition. DeBerry apologized for turning footspeed into a race issue.  Last Saturday, Nebraska coach Bill Callahan was accused of making a throat-slashing gesture on the sideline. He said he couldn’t remember doing such a thing, but Callahan was reprimanded on Thursday by the Big 12 Conference. College coaches must be held accountable, even during irrational tirades.

But Pete Carroll convinces a young man to stage a fake suicide, and he’s hailed as a “players’ coach” who appreciates the good-natured fun of a harmless Halloween prank. How ’bout that Pete? He sure knows how to keep those USC kids loose! Or something. Rey Maualuga, the frightened freshman who wasn’t able to share in the thigh-slapping high jinks of LenDale White’s mock death leap, was arrested after an altercation at a party later that night. You’d presume Pete Carroll has more pressing issues than how to spice up his practices with sick humor. And he does, actually: After his team had a brief but inconsequential confrontation last week with some Washington State players in the tunnel at the Los Angeles Coliseum, Carroll successfully pressed the Pacific-10 Conference to amend its rules regarding entrance-to-the-field protocol.

From now on, if the home team arranges to go first, it gets to go first. Hoo boy, now that’s a cutting-edge sociological advancement any genius should be proud to tout.  Not that Carroll’s self-esteem is a concern. When LenDale White’s practice-field fit and dummy dive were complete, he was congratulated by his coach for executing the shrewd plan. “Well done,” Carroll assured White. “We killed them.” Hold that thought for spring practice, Pete. With nothing more elaborate than a toy machine gun and some ketchup, you can put together an even better hoax. Mass homicides are an especially fun prank on April Fool’s Day. Forgive me if I can’t see the lighter side in a practical joke involving suicide. One of my friends killed himself four years ago. He was a gifted, keenly perceptive writer with a beautiful mind, and while I knew he had some problems, I’ll never forget the shock of hearing the news over the phone. I didn’t believe stuff could go like that.

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