ANG Newspapers: Tedford agonizes as sons play ball

Missing their prep football games tough on Cal coach

By Dave Newhouse, STAFF WRITER 

BERKELEY — Jeff Tedford's two sons have football games this afternoon and evening. But, once again, the father won't be able to watch them play as Cal leaves earlier today for Saturday's game at UCLA.  Tedford has this ongoing dilemma, the bane of being a coach and a father. He finds himself torn professionally and paternally.  He wants so badly to see his sons play. But because Monte Vista High of Danville plays mostly on Fridays — tonight, the Mustangs host Livermore — he is tied up with his Cal football team that day.  "Of course, it hurts," he said this week. "I've gone over this with my kids. I'm very fortunate that my kids understand what I do, but that doesn't change the fact that I'd love to see them."  Taylor Tedford, 18, is a senior wide receiver on the Monte Vista varsity. Quinn Tedford, 16, is a sophomore wide receiver and defensive back on the Mustangs' junior varsity.  Donna Tedford, the mother, is the family presence at the majority of their games, while the father agonizes elsewhere.  "Jeff will have my cell phone ringing all the time," Donna said. "It's hardest on Jeff not being at his sons' games. There's an emotional side of Jeff. The boys know their dad's with them in mind, body and spirit. He'll write them letters early in the morning, wishing them well."

Jeff Tedford's mind, body and spirit are also on Cal football. That's evident by his having resurrected the sport on the Berkeley campus. Cal has been ranked in the Top 10 the past two seasons with a 15-2 overall record, further proof of his commitment to the program.  However, that doesn't lessen the suffering created by his having to miss his sons' games, except on those rare occasions.  "Last week, I got a chance after our Friday walk-through to go watch Quinn's JV game at Monte Vista," he said. "The game was at 4 p.m. I got there about 5. Then I just got to see Taylor come on the field to warm up before I had to go back to the hotel forour team meetings at 8."  When asked how many of Monte Vista's games he sees, Tedford turned away. His eyes teared up, and he couldn't respond for a half-minute. In that moment, one visually saw his struggle with duty and fatherhood.  "There's no question there are sacrifices that have to be made with the job here," he said after regaining his composure. "Family is a huge part of the sacrifice, that you're not there to go over issues that they have as high school kids every night. So we talk on the phone a lot."  In the off-season, Tedford gets to watch Taylor and Quinn play basketball, just as he watched them in Little League. But football is king in the Tedford household, and the father has his priorities in the autumn.  "After their high school sports, that may be the end of my sons' sporting careers," he said. "We'll still play golf together. But they are comfortable enough with themselves and with our relationship."  Nevertheless, parents don't want to miss their children's activities, to watch them grow athletically and in other ways.

"Great kids, great family," Monte Vista football coach/athletic director Craig Bergman said of the Tedfords. "Jeff and Donna attend all our meetings in the off-season, and they show up for our passing league.  "Taylor's face lights up whenever he sees his dad. Taylor's kind of a 'tweener in football, and not the fastest kid, but a possession guy who runs fantastic routes. Quinn is a slight kid who needs to grow more and see the field a little better. But he's still young and learning."

Taylor and Quinn are reserves, but because Bergman doesn't believe in names on jerseys, "TEDFORD" isn't advertised at games.  Bergman noted that Monte Vista's Thursday, Nov.10, game at San Ramon starts at 7 p.m. Even though that's two days before the Cal-USC game, all the Tedfords should be present.  Whether you're a coaching family or not, and even though most parents have time-consuming jobs, not to be there for your kids is like cutting a piece out of your own heart.

"If that's what is to be, just go with it," said an understanding Donna Tedford, who realizes her husband's sacrifice and softens as best she can those missed moments with his sons. "It takes a strong family."  Plus strong support from within the Cal football family.  "Our (coaching) staff is the best there is," Donna said. "Coaches' families come to other coaches' family games. The head trainer's wife showed up to see our sons play."  That goes with the sacrifice of coaching.

"If you've got to go to your kid's birthday party, you go," Jeff Tedford said. "We try our hardest to go to things, but if we're on the road recruiting ... we still have a job to do."  Tedford didn't have a father while growing up, no dad to watch him play games, the result of divorced parents.  He doesn't want that same environment for his sons, so he is heavily involved with their games, though it's mainly in spirit.  "They know Jeff is with them all the time," Donna Tedford said.  Her cell phone will be ringing like crazy later today.