Like most Cal fans, my dream of playing for the Bears was never realized, or attempted. However, that doesn't mean you can't play against the Bears. You can live the dream by immediately applying to Presbyterian College's school of pharmacy, which, from what I can tell, is the only graduate program at Presbyterian College.
Once admitted, you can try out for the Blue Hose football team. Of the 1,200 undergrads, 50% describe themselves as female. That leaves 600 males competing for 101 slots (per the current roster you can find here). That's a 1 in 6 chance of making the team. You'll be competing against the likes of 161 pounder Hunter Counts for a coveted wide receiver position.
On the down side, the school of pharmacy isn't actually accredited yet, and it costs $30,000 a year. But you only need a 2.5 undergrad GPA. You'll also have to relocate to Clinton, SC, a town so small it doesn't have a single Starbucks. But you'll be playing at AT&T Park in September.